The test is over...for now

I woke up Friday morning around nine and got up.  I ran through a few problems with my calculator just to make sure I remembered how to...  Then I went to breakfast at the High Spot.  I drank my coffee and had a huge breakfast of eggs, bacon and a small bowl of oatmeal.  I walked home and relaxed a little longer and then headed to the exam.  The first day is four hours.  You cannot leave the test unless you need to get water or go the restroom.  The problem is you are definitely short for time and you don't want to leave because you are so afraid you will not finish.  There were 20 case problems, 18 item sets - which are one scenario used for multiple questions, and 77 regular multiple choice questions.  I got through with a few minutes to spare and I was sure to go through and make sure I filled in the correct bubbles on the Scantron sheet.  I noticed I did not fill one in and quickly looked to question - I guessed and was filling in the final bubble and then I heard, "times up - put your pencils down."  Scary!!  I felt surprisingly okay.  I didn't feel confident I passed but my attitude was good and I think I was just relieved to live through the first four hours.  The problem was I still had six more to go.  I started thinking about what my expectations were and came up with this analogy - I was like the person who was running their first marathon.  When I decided to sit for the November exam, I knew my chances were very slim I would pass but I didn't want to wait until March.  What if I did pass the first time?  Then it would be all over.  My hard-stop is March.  It is the most realistic amount of time needed to get through the massive amount of information needed to pass.  So as being my first marathon, I would be happy to finish.  I wasn't going to concern myself with the time I finished in.  I didn't care if I didn't pass - I just wanted to answer all the questions.  The next day was a much earlier start.  We had to be at the testing center at 8:30am.  Today was two three hour sessions.  Our first session started and the breakdown was something like 11 case problems, 21 item sets and 53 multiple choice questions.  This was much tougher.  The questions seemed harder and I was doing a lot more educated guessing then I felt comfortable doing.  The second session was even more tough.  My last case study was 22 case problems, 8 item sets and 55 multiple choice.  Again, a lot of educated guessing.  I kept my composure and just focused on finishing.  After it was all over I got to my car and broke down in tears.  I think the build-up of emotion and stress finally hit after it was all over.  Probably better than having that happen half way through right?  I was so nervous...  I really wanted to walk out of the exam feeling more ambivalent - not really knowing if I did or didn't pass.  I walked out feeling terrible.  I don't think there is even a remote chance that I passed.  This test is insane.  It definitely separates the girls from the women.  Not only does it test shear stamina, but it covers a crazy amount of information.  Our final instructor for the live review said it is 30 miles wide and a foot deep.  It really is the best description I have heard.  The problem with this test is that there really is no amount of preparation you can do to feel 100% ready for this test.  You are never going to see the same question twice ever...  The test is designed three times per year.  This is very different from other professional designations/tests I have taken.  The Series 7/66 and even the Insurance Exam are all given every day of the year.  They pull from thousands of questions in a test bank and there are thousands of little birdies that tell the test preparation companies what was on each test.  You really can pass by just drilling down questions.  With the CFP that helps but honestly it isn't gonna secure a pass.  You have to know the information.  I would say that 80% of the exam tested to conceptual understanding not calculations.  You really beg for the calculations.  Those you know you will get right.  The rest were the typical, get it down to two and then think hard about which one is the "best" answer.  It took me a weekend to get over all of the emotion and make more sense of it.  Saturday night we went to Death Cab and then Sunday morning we headed to Vegas.  Instead of studying on the plane, I knitted a hat.  Instead of staying in the hotel room crunching numbers, I hung out with Alex at the tables.  Better yet, I was up 110% playing video poker...hehe.  The better perspective is that I have seen the exam.  If I end up doing it again in March, the information is still fresh.  Plus, I have 2.5 months to prepare this time.  I also have input from the exam.  They do not tell you your score but they do tell you which topics you are weak on.  That way you know what to focus on for the next exam.  All of the anxiety will be gone for the next test - it won't matter.  So we wait.  They say it will be 4-6 weeks before we get the results.  I imagine I will find out after Christmas but before New Years.  I have sworn to myself that I will not be disappointed if I do not pass.  There are very few that do it in the short amount of time I have so it doesn't matter.  No one will ask me later how many times I took the test to pass.  Until then, I am going to enjoy my free time.  I am going to go the pottery studio, I am going to knit, I am going to go to the mountain, I am going to cook, I am going to clean and organize the house and I am going to sleep in on the weekends.  I am going to do all of the things I could not do for the past 10 months and I am going to love every minute of it.